When You Discover Your Homosexuality

Don’t fret. Avoid lifting up your voice in prayer. Make peace with this truth: All that you have been told about your sexuality has been a lie.

When I discovered mine, I fretted. I immersed myself in what I have come to realise was confusion.

It has to be said being confused isn’t a bad thing. Confusion presents a doorway to clarity. But you have to engage with it, confusion. You have to be willing to walk through the door confusion presents.

In confusion, the tendency will be to cling to the known, to dispel with even a modicum of uncertainty. For all I know, clinging to the known seems to be a natural response in navigating through confusion. It’s like when you hold on tighter to a stirring wheel when as you are driving something jumps into your path.

Sometimes clinging to the known works. It’s the reason we hear sentences like start from what you know. (It’s quite popular among scientists, who tend to operate in terms of using known variables to derive unknown variables.) But when it comes to discovering your sexuality, clinging to what you know will tend to fail you. And the reason has already been stated: All that you have been told about your sexuality has been a lie.

Sometimes you have to engage with the opposite of what you know. You know, for example, that you are supposed to be attracted to girls. Learn, in your discovery, to engage with its opposite: that you are not supposed to be attracted to girls. See where tweaking what you know to its opposite takes you, and feel free to tweak and re-tweak. You want a collection of knowledge that fosters your wellbeing.

So don’t fret. Part of learning has a lot to do with unlearning and relearning. You just have to be willing to let go of what you think you know, to make space for the discoveries that come your way.


Question(s) of the day: What steps did you take to make peace with your sexuality? Please let me know in comments.

You are Awesome!

One thought on “When You Discover Your Homosexuality

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  1. One of the things that helped me the most was, I surrounded myself with boys like me that were going through the same ordeal, the confusion, experiences stories they had to tell and the fear, so it was for me some sort of a support group that help me through my time of discovering my sexuality and become comfortable with it

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