Should Some Gay People Be Allowed to Lie?

A quest

Kitodiaries is a website I read from time to time.

Today, upon reading a piece titled I’m Married, I’m Gay, and I’m Dying. I found myself compelled to offer response to a comment I had seen. It was an interesting comment because it spurred me to articulate an idea that has long lurked in the background of my thinking on the issue of homosexuality. Here is what I said:

“[…]. The difficulty of focusing on truth needn’t keep us from dismissing it. ‘Truth will set you free’ is a simple philosophy. More and more [of] us need to live by it, rather [than] tell tales about (and give justifications to) the hardship of our individual situations. The sooner we start telling one another ‘you need to come out’ the better.”

You can tell where my response to question posed in the title of this piece rests.

Most homosexuals are quick to give advice that is fixated on the complexity of living as a gay person – the difficulty of being married, the agony of having to confront parents, the stupidity of homophobic bigots. These problems make the condition of living nightmarish, nourishing a lining of guilt and sense of wrongness most homosexuals are made to carry around.

To insist on having the complexity as the bedrock upon which we render advice is problematic: it starts us off from a premise that takes us away from what we really want: a world where we are seen as valid sexual beings, a world where we, given our homosexuality, are seen as full human beings.

There seems to be a victim-hood prevalent in the community of homosexuals. This is expected. Being marginalized by society puts one in the position of victim. But to don this status as a kind of armor, because it fuels justifications, should be avoided. Regardless of whether one situation presents itself as “harder” than another “hard” situation we must never find ourselves saying “My case (or that guy’s case) is worse than the case of other homosexuals, so I (or he) should be allowed to lie about myself (or himself)“. We don’t have the luxury to do so, especially not in a time Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie has pointed is the only time in history everyone across the globe is equal.

This isn’t to suggest people put themselves in harm’s way, even though to think in terms of the prevention of harm on the path to redemption is folly. It is to emphasize that deterrence and the intelligent pursuit of redemption shouldn’t be confused. The subtlest suggestions of deterrence should be filtered from our servings of advice.

It is always interesting to read KitoDiaries. Its platform for gay discourse is needful. The web log is rich with pieces that are thought-provoking, exposing, and filled with humor-inducings remarks from readers that can make only those with homosexual sensitivities laugh and laugh. In our well-meaningness to address complicated issues, it is important to address our complexity from a starting point of simplicity. To always start from and stay in a place that says Live your truth.


You are Awesome.

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