Last week, I sat in Terra Kulture with a new male friend.
We talked about random things. And, as with most man-to-man talks, the girlfriend topic landed into the mix.
I brushed his inquistions aside, but he kept bringing up the girlfriend question at different times over and over again.
I told him.
Cheifly because of a new habit of letting -carefully chosen- new friends know about my not-so-little secret. So, those who can’t handle it can find their way before we go too deep.
He let me in on his not-so-little secret as well.
I didn’t believe him.
This brought to mind my own susceptibility to making pre-judgements (Just because, when he walked, he swayed his shoulders from side to side and fit every stereotypical description of what it means to be manly, I conceived him to be a lover of vaginas. His telling me otherwise was utterly unacceptable – it would require the need to change what I already know to be true by replacing it with something that was more true and challenged the validity of my own ready-made conclusion).
He has a fiancée he is only hanging on to because his “mother wee not allow him rest”. And, he fancies the idea of having children.
We discussed what I felt was the burden of having to do it with a woman.
His response was along the lines of:
“I’ve been doing it before. So, doing it in marriage shouldn’t be a big deal. I can still play and have all the fun I want on the side”
We discussed the potential pain he would cause by his actions.
His response was something like this:
“I don’t have a choice. What about my own pain? Do you seriously think I enjoy deceiving people? I just have to give them what they want to see, so they can leave me alone. I don’t like wahala in my life. If you want to enjoy life, there are certain things you don’t just discuss. It’s life.”
We discussed what he would do if his future wife and children found out.
He said: “Hmm. I’ve not really thought about it. I guess I’ll handle it when, or if that time comes. But, I doubt it will happen; almost every married man I know has a lover on the side. Either their wives don’t mind or don’t know. And, I know how to play my cards well”.
We discussed how I thought he was being selfish and didn’t care about the consequences of the things he was doing.
He said: “You are the one being selfish. You want to have things your way and have your own perfect life. But, it doesn’t work that way. Life is not a fairy tale. We don’t always get what we want. Think of what my mother will think. Or my uncle. Or my brothers. I can’t even imagine what my father would think. Isn’t that one pain?”
The discussion went on to have the kind of interesting depth I enjoy so much.
His conclusions about me was that I dwell so much in the future. I should live for now and enjoy my life.
My conclusions about everything he said is my future is now. Everything I want my future to be begins from now.
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What did you draw out from the conversation? Leave your reply in the comments.